For Divine Enlightenment: Insert Head into Hole.

Brick to head. I have seen the paradox of the spiritual community.


Ego, projection, self-work, and enlightenment had become the buzzwords of my life.

 We flocked to the studio to become more mindful. We went inside to examine our inner states and learn to live more peacefully with ourselves. Being able to quiet our minds enough to listen to our feelings had terrific benefits. We saw ourselves begin to control our reactivity. We came to love and rely on our community to support us. Unlike church was taught, we could be the masters of our domain, free of dogma. We were told that we would explore and discern our truths. Being religious was no contradiction and being of the no-religion belief system this secular approach also appealed to me.

 I am fascinated with psychology. I saw compelling similarities that convinced me even further that this could be the way to navigate my mind with clarity. I had noticed some conflicts to my understandings of things. I carefully compared the ideas and kept the ones most logical to me. The conflicts were subtle and reasonably benign. Everything up to this point was not terribly alarming to me. I pride myself on being able to remain flexible in my thought and go with my understanding that people see the world differently. It was not until the introduction into Kundalini and the in-your-face 3HO cult mentality that I had to examine these ideas more closely. It took a severe alert of danger to make me see how spirituality misconstrues potential danger as opportunity for growth. When practiced blindly and without understanding for real potential evils in the world being mislead can cause harm.

Yoga spirituality went off-rail for me when I saw my mentor's advice conflicting with her own teachings. Through personal experience, I got to bear witness to an extreme over-estimation of ability to deal with complex interpersonal relationships. I was hurt when I took controversial advice that went against my instinct. I was told this experience was given to help rid myself of a weakness. The situation was not this exactly- but the ideas presented to me and the effects to my life were similar to this example.

    In practice, this was difficult to watch. One woman, for example, was encouraged by our teacher to see her incredibly abusive boyfriend as a holy being, or as her guru. “What can you learn from him?” she was asked. “How are you abusive? How do you take advantage of others? Where in your life are you practicing violence?

    In other words: What are you doing, as the victim, to deserve this abuse?

 That bad advice has become my blessing in disguise.  I saw for the first time with real clarity the genuine brokenness of the teachings. I began to stop trusting this path-work nonsense and start thinking for myself once again.

Staring into the abyss that was the Kundalini teacher's training from the very first day I knew this was going to be tough. They wear turbans and dress all in white. Weird but not yet scary to me. The very first day however, had me I was scratching my head. I was immediately confronted with strange things that were beginning to be introduced and I sensed true danger. I had to step back and consider to what I would be subjecting myself. Why did this feel so foreign and unsafe? Was I allowing my fears to limit me? Did I need to take a leap of faith and resolve myself to a safe challenge? All the while a little voice inside was screaming "GET OUT!" I have used self empowerment to make some very positive changes in my life. I have traveled by myself, began writing, furthered my education and made a lot of great friends. Knowing when a challenge to your inner voice is good can be positive and impactful. Knowing when that warning is on-point is life saving.

The bad advice situation with my teacher had me seriously weighing things even before this teacher training. I was aware that I had been too trusting and put too much stock in her opinion. She was not my therapist and I needed to back away from that aspect of our relationship. I have no problem with a sympathetic ear on the level of "I need a friend to bounce this idea off of" but when we begin to make life decisions based on our yoga teacher's opinion things may be getting out of hand.  I was fully convinced when I realized that she believes yoga can bring about a superpowers.

"Yogi power gave Yogi Buhjan the capability to change the weather!" -Gurumeyer

Yes, another teacher told the class that on day one.

To myself: "Wow. It is time to re-examine this thing."
I can now see how they overestimate themselves. The delusion is far greater than I could have imagined. By linking to Yog Buhjan's golden chain we can delude ourselves into believing that we are tapping into some divine knowledge bigger than ourselves. This removes their ego from making decisions for other's and simultaneously leaves them not responsible for any negative outcomes. I know my life has already been negatively influenced. I was hurt by this once before- why would I stay when I can plainly see the bad judgment? I had to be realistic in that I had already allowed myself to be deluded. I would stick around for what has now become obviously impractical.

I had walked into this completely unaware of any danger. My naivety kept me from knowing that cult-systems are not rare in the yoga community. Indian culture is riddled with Guru's who develope superpowers. These beliefs of Indian culture are mixed into yogic teachings and then by association, yoga communities begin to take on these ideas.

Upon retrospection, I see that the hooks are within the rewards. Yoga does make my body feel wonderful. It has been a beautiful beginning to a better relationship with myself. I was sold with a loving community, exciting opportunities and other assorted positive reinforcements.  Yoga has already given me peace as I have never known before outside of an awesome massage or maybe a fantastic orgasm. I became starry-eyed in the afterglow of my physical practice and embraced the idea that this is could be a path to happiness. Sign me up!

Welcome to the rabbit hole.

  Take that next step, and it is the beginning of the end of your rational thought. How? How can everything that has been good, pleasant and healthy turn into a mind-melting disaster? Enter: people.

Coming out of my studio-stupor I can see that Indian Culture Yoga is sold like an Amway of spirituality. You come in on the ground floor where everything is shiny, and faces are beaming. Happy, happy, happy! For me, yoga became a blissful addiction that was healthy and rewarding. It was a complete win/win.  From there though I let that studio become a spiritual practice. It morphed into my personal money guzzling stairway into a never-ending maze of aspiration and delusion. I almost found myself roped into it to the level of becoming a disciple. My teacher had become my "spiritual mentor" a salesperson for self-work. I was constantly sold more progress on my path. Then one day I woke up in a class full of things I wasn't comfortable with and realized that the path being sold to me was a tunnel heading to a fictional land of becoming a non-human yoga god. Here comes the train!

 Ironically, with my return to rational thinking I can see clearly that I had been accused and shamed for the very thing that they were using to keep me struggling along- judgment.Like so many other studios doing the same thing:

     "We were not to question. To do so was cause for an immediate reprimand: a long, confusing conversation designed to twist your mind in circles, and, eventually, be subjected to professed, condescending sadness over your “inability to understand, to see the light, to engage in your own healing.”

The typical correction I heard on my enlightenment path was "That is your ego." I felt selfish and small-minded. Now I am shaking my head as I realize that one sentence is a plethora of problematic paradox.

It contains judgment- you are judging my thoughts as ego.
Ego- you are declaring you are right about this and I am wrong.
Projection- It is only by your projection that you create an illusion of my ego.

The circular reasoning would have gone on forever. There will never be any enlightenment because it is all true. If we are alive I will have ego, you will have ego. Reasoning and digestion of our experiences is the way we learn. It is how humans navigate the world. All the sins of spirituality are simply the elements of being alive and having perception! If we are to learn through experience, we must perceive and discern. The only exit to the round about thinking of spirituality is letting yourself off the hook. Believe that you are just as you are meant to be and understand that only you know the reasoning for your actions, beliefs, thoughts and words.

Relativity: E=MC2  By spirituality's own dogma- Truth is relative to the person doing the perceiving.

When we are emphatically told we are are wrong by an authority on a subject most of us will overlook the possibility that maybe it is their idea that needs fixing- not you.

It takes some out-of-the-box thinking skills to work through the paradoxes of the spiritual mindset.   Critical thinking is necessary, and we have often had the critical thinking beaten right out of us.

 A well cultivated critical thinker:

        raises vital questions and problems, formulating them clearly and precisely;
        gathers and assesses relevant information, using abstract ideas to interpret it effectively comes to well-reasoned conclusions and solutions, testing them against relevant criteria and standards;
        thinks open-mindedly within alternative systems of thought, recognizing and assessing, as need be, their assumptions, implications, and practical consequences; and
        communicates effectively with others in figuring out solutions to complex problems.

    Critical thinking is, in short, self-directed, self-disciplined, self-monitored, and self-corrective thinking. [NOT GURU LED.] It presupposes assent to rigorous standards of excellence and mindful command of their use. It entails effective communication and problem-solving abilities and a commitment to overcome our native egocentrism and sociocentrism.

    [Oddly, in another paradox, it is precisely what spiritualism teaches us to do only WITHOUT a guru.]

   


I went into yoga a free thinker. But the moment I allowed a teacher to become my spiritual "mentor" I made a mistake. I should have been wary and very carefully considering the conflicts I saw when I used my perceptions and discernment. I trusted far too fast and with too much abandon.

It would have done me good to remember the definition of freethinker: a person who thinks freely or independently: one who forms opinions by reason- independently of authority; especially: one who rejects or is skeptical of religious dogma. Freethinkers do not link themselves to chains nor subscribe to another's perceptions.

“Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.” -Albert Einstein

Be alarmed. Be very alarmed.  Even if the things you notice seem benign and you think it is safe- things that at first seem harmless can quickly become self-destructive. Relativity lies in the experiences that will come to pass.