Discovering My Truth- Realizing it May not be Your Truth.

I have come out from under a rigid discipline that I did not even realize I was allowing to control me. I had been trying so hard to assimilate. I tried to bend myself to self-degrading methods of dealing with sexual harassment. I was desperate to keep my place in the "tribe." I have no shame when I say that my real nature has emerged and with fervor- I have dissented.
I am back to my roots!
Despite my fancy spiritual name people often dismiss me as kooky.

I have not exactly been the guru that people flock to for answers. I am not the best leader. I point out things I see as I go along but you should find your own answers.
Fair enough on the not listening to me. I have my fair share of shenanigans to back up the theory that I might lead you astray. The one thing that everyone would agree to is that I am honest. I am the first to tell you that I take the hard road in life. Lessons are not pebbles at my windows but boulders to my head. That is why I usually like to take a middle of the road approach to things rather than declare I am right. Temperance has become my tactic for avoiding mass consumption of humble pie. It does not go down smoothly, I assure you.


I have a theory that children either assimilate to their family or they rebel and become the black sheep. I was a natural born rebel. I was wrong about everything for as long as I can remember. "What will people think?" became the overarching mantra of my life. They will think you are crazy, unstable, embarrassing, dumb, weird and wrong about everything. I am discredited before I even state a belief.

"I am not crazy. My mother had me tested." -Sheldon

I am comfortable based outside the camps of  belief systems. I rebel- it's what I do.
This insubordination could imply that I am hard-headed. My type seems unteachable, rigid and opinionated. Those descriptions will all apply to me if you are trying to influence me. That is because I have a system of working through things to get to my beliefs.
I allow the idea of new ideology- I listen and then mull it over for days. With diligence, I will research all sides of the view. I will then take the ideas and apply them in as many ways as I can think to- testing it. Very rarely does any idea hold up to 100% scrutiny but you find the most workable answers and learn that you may need to adjust your ideas.


I love the way philosophy creates an opportunity to see the world differently. My research and application become a mind-expanding game. Everything has downsides and circumstances where the perfect plan eventually meets failure. Abortion, law, murder, religion- everything will fail in some situation. The best we can do as humans is  go with what works well most of the time. Where we often fail is in remaining flexible enough to change when we see our default system failing.


In my philosophical opinion, we all deserve to be free. I believe in living as unrestrained from other people's beliefs as possible. We should all spend our short time here being our true selves. I wish everyone the clarity and strength to find the things that bring them happiness. Spend your time filling your hearts with love for this life.
 
For upholding that belief, I am okay with being the black sheep.
 The sun is brighter, and the world is bigger now that I have realized my cage. I took back my time to do all the things that interest me and fill me with excitement. I no longer feel tethered to practices that I hated but that when left undone, brought me guilt and shame. I am no longer letting someone down for not subscribing to their beliefs. I no longer feel compelled to lie to stay in good graces. I am no longer struggling to live up to anyone else's expectations.
 I had been letting myself down by not living my truth.


Only from outside that fishbowl do I realize how much I had been tempering my true feelings. I had become conditioned to hiding my objections and living according to outside beliefs of rightness.


That is not me. That was never me.


Live your life well my friends. Be happy. I have no intention of keeping you from your bliss. <3